As I write this I expect there is a scurry of excitement in  kitchens thoughout New Zealand  as many kiwi   children go about preparing burnt toast and coffee for their moms in anticipation of celebrating Mothers day. Its the day as a nation we officially salute the women in our life who have nurtured, comforted and celebrated and in a lot of cases sacrificed for us.

A child's most powerful role model is its same sex parent, and so as a mother you have a huge impact on the values and behaviors you instill in your offspring as you gently guide them into adulthood and beyond. As a  mother of a daughter you have the added responsibility of teaching your daughter along the way of what constitutes a good or a bad mother - in her eyes that is. Over the years, she will pick the eyes out of your parenting style and take the good parts with her and abandon the bad parts vowing never to be like you! She will form a picture in her mind of the type of mom she will or will not be and in an ideal world that would be the end of it. Unfortunately it isn’t always and ideal world and looking back I expect  there are many of us who wish we could have done bits of it different.

Circumstance often dictates the sort of mom you can be and I don’t think anything can prepare you for the full impact of taking on the title of Mother. A friend of mine often says “it’s hard to drain the swamp when you are up to your arse in alligators.” Looking back it seems like I was in that swamp so much of that first 20 years of parenting and now my two birds have flown the coop, I feel a certain sense of freedom I haven’t for over two decades. I can enjoy an uninterrupted cup of coffee, can sit on the toilet without someone peering at me wanting attention, can eat what I like when I like, can put something in the fridge and know it will be there when I get back (mothers of teenage boys will understand where I am coming from), and most of my money goes on me and the dog these days.

I have been sacked from my role as chauffer, chief cook and bottle washer, banker, counsellor, sports coach, fashion advisor and so many other roles that as a mom you step up and embrace. You do what you have to do, and on reflection many of us think, If only we had more family support, more money, more time, more patience, or less stress, less grumpy days, or even just enjoyed it more we would have been better.

I salute those moms out there this morning celebrating. The cafes will be buzzing with families shouting moms brunch, there will be smoke alarms going off everywhere at foiled breakfast attempts, Spark will be enjoying an upsurge in business as people connect and pass on good wishes, and there will be so much more.

There will be people thinking about the moms that are no longer here, the moms they are estranged from, the moms they can’t be with and the moms who have been dads as well.

Whatever you are thinking about today, make sure you celebrate the good women in your life regardless of what title they officially bare. Moms, we are amazing, resilient, resourceful creatures and the men and children in this world would be buggered without us.

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