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The grass is always greener....

Water your own grass before heading out

I had the most confronting experience yesterday , and because I believe there are no coincidences in life I have been processing it all inside of my head for the last 12 hours with all those other people that live in there and need to get rid of that shit! Writing always helps so here we go again.

I continue to look for a bit of dirt and after trying to make contact with the listing agent about something I had seen advertised , I decided to take the bull by the horns and take a drive past the place to see if it was empty or not. It was shrouded by trees shedding their autumn leaves and set back off the road a little so I crept up the drive wondering what I was going to say if the owner came out. The old cottage was neat as a pin surrounded by perfectly groomed lawns, swept pavements and weed free gardens that have all been put to bed for the winter already. Because the back door was slightly ajar I decided to chance it and knock.

I had interrupted an elderly lady who had just sat down for lunch on her own. Despite being slightly startled by the unplanned intruder, she heard me out while I explained what I was doing in her driveway. You see when you are in limbo trying to sell something, your tolerance levels allow you to suffer unannounced idiots walking in off the road when under normal circumstances you would send them on their way. As we walked outside she shared her reason for selling. This wasn’t a choice for her and she was angry as hell about it all. Back in December, her family had gathered from all corners of the world in this very home, to celebrate with their parents the milestone of reaching 50 years of marriage. At 73 she was thrilled to be sharing this special anniversary time with those she loved believing she would be cruising into the twilight zone with her life partner and enjoying what time they had left together. He at 80 went through the motions of the celebration and then a few short weeks later at midnight ,crept out of the house with nothing but a couple of changes of clothes to his extra martial lover who was in a waiting car and sped off into the night. The widow he is now shacked up with somewhere over the railway line on the other side of town was in his life over 60 years ago and they had reconnected after her husband’s death.

What does that say about time I have asked myself? Was there lots of lost time for them all over the last 50 years? Did it stand still for the bloke while he went through the motions of a raising a family and being partially present in marriage that his heart was never in, or did they just drift apart? Did he, at 80 years of age, decide that he didn’t have much time left and when the opportunity to have a different life arose he jumped at it ? According the physcologist that helped me through a similar situation over ten years ago now, 95% of affairs happen because of opportunity. They don’t happen because people are in or out of love with each other, they happen because there is an opportunity. If you are the one who has been on the sharp end of infidelity, knowing that helps you accept it better when you think of it like that. Alcohol and sex are often contributing factors but time and opportunity is the single biggest reason according to all the stats so the old saying “when the cats away, the mice do play “has never been truer.

No body runs from happiness so there is that for sure. For many the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence but sometimes we need to remember that if we water on our own side it too will become green. I left that place feeling a whole mixture of emotions. I felt such empathy and incredibly sad for that woman who is still stuck in the anger stage you feel after a betrayal and I hope that time moves swiftly for her in her healing process. Time is finite at age but even more so in your 70’s. I also felt blessed in a strange way as I thought about my own life and how all the events that have happened over five decades have been blessings given to me to learn from. To learn things like empathy, and to walk a mile in someone’s shoes before harshly judging. I have healed much over the last ten years and for that I am thankful. The ultimate lesson I have had to learn is unconditional love, which includes not only others but myself as well. I say with pride I am a work in progress on that one.

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